Sad Sad Sad!

Problems here and there..haiz..sigh..

I have problem with CE points, problem with my Electronics..like you had read from the past 2 updates (excluding the Song of the Week)

now received an even even sad news from Shukun too =(

Haiz..starting from next year, i will be just a normal worshipper to TM412. No more Leadership roles/privileges/authority liao! haiz..sigh..

i lose all my roles that i had from the past! He encouraged me to head to TF instead of TM412 but i am welcome back to TM412 but this time round, he will expect me to come and learn like every other young people, which means that i cannot sit at the back during sermon, nor distribute sermon handouts, or help with the welcome. And as for CG, i do not have a CG to attend as there are no TF groups that meet at that time! haiz..sad sad!

Mean my life in TM412 is GONE! bye bye..haiz..i wanna help TM412 even when next year especially when TM412 is moving to a new place temp while the church rebuild! haiz..and even help TM412 even when i am back from BMT from NS!

Now i even more HATE army! He stripped me from all my favs..took away my life..my FREEDOM! haiz..i am sososo sad! i dunwanna leave TM412 just like that and no..i will go TF but TM412 is more of a home to me than TF! i love TM412 and i had great bond with TM412! It is the place that grow me to what i am today!

If it is wasnt TM412, i dun think i am like this today..those who had been in TM412 long enough should had known the difference rite!

Ivan of the past and the Ivan of the present is totally 360 degree changes! haiz..

I really really will miss TM412..T_T

i love TM412 but sad..Army is the thing and barrier that block me from it already!

Now i am just a normal youth and not one of the older youths of TM412 anymore! I really hope to be like Shukun, Renzi, Amy Teo, etc those who are much older than me yet serving in TM412 as older leaders..exec com..am i not up to it? am i such a failure as a leader of TM412?

comparing to Shufen, Amy Tan, the Twins..who are younger than me and i think i started serving in the leadership role in TM412 abit earlier or some at the same time as them..am i much worst as a leader than them and those older leaders?

I had thought before to serve in the office like Shukun for the youth ministry..some people did asked me..do i wanna work in church as a staff? I seem like able to be like uncle sam 2?? hmmm..i not sure..but i did thought of it b4 la! haiz..now praying abt it..but i dunwanna leave tm412..sigh..

i noe most of u will sae..give way to the young ones..i noe i will..that why i am passing my leadership role as the worship i/c (visual-audio) to Eliel..haiz..

but aft receiving the news from shukun..i felt more sad..talked with Dave..he encouraged me to move on from TM412 (youth ministry) to the church itself..like serve in Church Camp Committee then TM412 Youth Camp Committee, etc..but those of course have to wait till i finish my National Service (NS) la!

i really not sure la..haiz..i jus feeling down..

why my life is sososo sucks! haiz..alot alot of my frenz are from TM412..i am glad that the Lord had blessed me to get to befriend with almost all the youths of TM412..from the newest Sec 1 (as on 2006) to the oldest youths of TM412..haiz..every age group i noe them..

Every year, i get to noe the new Sec 1s..(unknown abt tis yr la..the 2007 sec 1s aka p6 currently)

haiz..i duno la..haiz..but i can say..the Lord really blessed me la! haiz..

well..everyone who noe me well noe that TM412 is my 2nd home of my life..i dun even treat my sch as my 2nd home la..haiz..i really had grown through my life here in TM412..haiz..but sadly..i have to leave my role in TM412..no more leaders of TM412 but just a normal members..or worst..a visitor?

I am welcome back to TM412 but no longer the same..

how can this be happy news for me? I dun mind passing the leadership roles to Eliel..but hope some small roles (like those Shukun mentioned that i cannot do anymore) that i am able to help TM412 with stills..but no..i cant anymore! sad sad..

TM412 routine i been through weekly (almost every saturday)..now you tell me not to? how do i get use to it..

it's like might as well i dun come to tm412 anymore? Jus purely attend Sunday Service like the Adults..well..i feel that some Adults dun even attend CGs la..so why do i have to attend TF since it is like another CG..i might as well join some adult CGs instead? I noe the age difference, but since i dun really like TF so why force me? i need time la to start to like TF and i noe Dave had allowed me to join Chia Ying's CG which consist of J Low, Cheryl Teo, Sarah Wong, Calvin Wong, etc..but i had not attened yet..still need time to consider..

haiz..i duno la..haiz..

so much changes in my life! haiz..down and getting more and more down!

I hate myself..i hate my life!

haiz..problem here and there..haiz..headache..

TO BE CONTINUE . . .